damedana | [UMINEKO SPOILERS] Heart (Unscored): Beatrice

[he crosses his arms and looks to the side before. waving a hand. a Battler who is clearly embarrassed but refusing to fluster about it, because he's a cool kid, okok.]

There's no rush or anything.

[omg cute]

Liar.

[she's giving wounded battler a kiss on the cheek before pulling away so she can circle around and hug the other battler]

Edited 2023-02-11 19:32 (UTC)

[trying to play it cool!

gonna be a cool guy!

ok no, fuck it. he's pulling her onto his lap so he can wrap his arms around her and maybe be a bit clingy like it's been another stupid long time since hugs were last had.

meanwhile, injured Battler kind of gives a small snicker which gets a muttered "Shuddup" in response.]

[she kisses this battler as well, giggling a little]

...Ronove was right, you know. Having two of you here is all kinds of appealing.

[both Battlers react to that like they can definitely hear the "pukuku"s from the other room.

then the injured one, a little amused,]

Take advantage while you can. It shouldn't stay this way. Just... [kind of frowns at the other Battler who is ignoring that look.] Gotta figure out how to get that process going better.

Why don't you start by telling me precisely why this happened. Not that I can't guess, but I'd like to hear it in your own words.

[words are hard...

but the Battler hugging onto her heaves a very tired and heavy sigh.]

"I'm not Ushiromiya Battler. It wasn't me. I can't accept that."--things like that, even when I tried to explain over and over and over... but kept getting that kind of response, kept being accused of something I wasn't... originally trying to do, but after a while... y'know.

Ushiromiya Battler is not the culprit... but that doesn't mean he didn't try for it.

I thought... it was all figured out and everything was settled, but then... here... am I the reason that theory has any say at all, when I'm soulless? Am I the reason I keep targeting Kyrie-san and getting into fights with Ange and just... all of it? I'm definitely... more willing to pull that sorta thing.

Or is that just how Ushiromiya Battler actually is? I don't... know anymore. And I hate it. I hate--all of that.

[sometimes can't quite contain the self-loathing but has been trying very very hard. but also reasons for lack of responses to other Battler getting grossly injured.]

[but injured Battler speaking up now,]

Sparrow's a team full of people who have had... issues with their memories and the like. Korone's an example of someone who's moved on from her previous identity, but it's kind of the inverse here, right?

And with that taboo, I can't even talk to people who might be able to relate. Not unless they already know the Truth of it, which... you've been going through a lot and I thought I had a handle on it. I didn't think there'd be something like this making it worse.

You obviously didn't have a handle on it if you were having worries like that!

[pokes his cheek]

I should have been pushier about making me tell you about these things. What do you think a wife is for?

[cheek is poked and he's not sure what to do with that.]

It... seemed... pretty dumb? Actually saying it aloud doesn't make it sound less dumb...

[AND YET IT FEELS SO BAD???]

[MORE POKE]

I don't care if it's dumb! If my husband's having worries and getting himself tied up in knots over them, I want to know about it so I can do my best to help! If it's actually dumb we can laugh about it together! If it's not dumb we can talk about it seriously! But you! Have! To tell me!

[the last sentence is accentuated with pokes]

[this brutal attack... he's extremely weak to it.

but he will reach up to catch her finger after allowing the pokes.]

--well, which is it?

...

It's not dumb.

[... adjust grip on her finger so he's holding her hand now, thanks.]

Not really sure how to go about talking about it, then.

You already talked about it a little, didn't you? Enough to start on.

Do you want to talk about it now, or should we save it for the world outside your heart?

Talking about it outside is probably needed. Since I... haven't been so good about that.

... but maybe just tackling one part of it for now, here. Maybe it'll give me some confidence. I don't know.

Then here is one part of it.

It sounds a little like you feel that "the real Ushiromiya Battler" is the one your family knew - the one who set out to Rokkenjima on October 4, 1986. And since you are different from that Ushiromiya Battler, you feel like there's something wrong, like you're some impostor taking his place. Is that right?

It's more... it feels like I should be the one with the clearer picture of who "the real Ushiromiya Battler" is, but if everyone disagrees with that, what can I really do about it? I can say "no, it's not actually like that" so many times before I start to feel like the crazy one.

Take something as central as "Ushiromiya Battler loves his family"--well, yes, but Ushiromiya Battler also abandoned that family for six years, and only went back to it a few months before Rokkenjima.

Ushiromiya Battler wasn't even "Ushiromiya Battler" less than a year before it, even. But if I'm the only one that recognizes that, is that still true? Did I just make it up?

...That is... difficult.

[because lol what is asserting your own identity instead of letting everyone else's perceptions define you]

The easy answer should probably be that you need to tell the others to stop pushing their own assumptions on you and accept you for who you are, but... it's rarely that simple.

Especially when no one's really... saying anything wrong, just...

... and what you said isn't wrong, either.

There being truths like "Ushiromiya Battler isn't someone who would think of doing this" or "Ushiromiya Battler isn't a killer"... I know. I'm not... as inclined as others... but. If my memories alone can torment someone into things... isn't that the same thing? If I laugh about it, play games with the idea of it--does that make me more or less "Ushiromiya Battler"?

Earlier, you even seemed like you wanted to stop in that room. Because of everything. But you wouldn't have considered that as my fault, would you? Even though... it was here in my heart pushing at you. Is that just something acceptable for Ushiromiya Battler even though "Ushiromiya Battler isn't capable of that"? So if it was me, does that make me more or less "Ushiromiya Battler"?

... it's really kind of silly to even ask, honestly. I never had this kind of trouble before.

[gives a little sad huff of a laugh]

You're right that I wouldn't consider it your fault. It was my own weakness that almost stopped me, not anything you did. But if you want to see it as your fault... well, neither of us can deny that Ushiromiya Battler is very much capable of hurting me. So it would not make you less yourself.

[matching laugh, really.]

Maybe I shouldn't be so eager to be certain I'm really Ushiromiya Battler if hurting you is a part of it.

Don't be ridiculous. Should I stop being Beatrice just because hurting you is part of it?

Fair point.

[gonna lean his forehead against hers, watching her.]

... I'm glad you didn't stop there.

I'm glad too. I wanted to help you.

Re: The Gardens

Re: The Gardens

Re: The Gardens

Re: The Gardens

Re: The Gardens

Re: The Gardens

1/2

2/2

Re: 2/2

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject